Leviathan’s Halloween Birthday Bash

Hob’s Gob 

The view from the Underworld

Leviathan’s Halloween Birthday Bash

Originally published GTG Oct 2009

Death and Soul of the Party

Bar Pandemonium, West End, Sat Oct 31st:   

What a year! We’ve been busy as Hell: processing asylum applications from bankers and auto industry executives, making space for MPs, throwing hot coals at weathermen, processing suicide bombers by the dozen (you should see their faces when they realise where they are! Makes us laugh every time!) and only last month the welcoming concert for Jacko. We needed a break!
Then Malphas reminded me that Leviathan’s 9,000th birthday was approaching fast and we needed to organize something if he wasn’t to become unbearably grumpy.
Levi’s been a miserable Sod lately. To be fair, he’s been a bit down. What with his approaching middle age and the decline in business for his Political Anti-Ethics Consultancy (MP’s suddenly getting all righteous and New Labour on the wane). I tried cheering him up by pointing out that Cameron and his cronies might be goody-two-shoes today, but after a month or two in office they’ll soon come knocking on his door. But it didn’t seem to work so we all felt a serious bender was in order and what better than to make it the 31st October and mix it with those idiotic humans dressed like us.
As usual Bacchus organised things and got a good gang together: Pyro; Zagan; Mammon; Abigor and Haures. Even Paymon turned up (fortunately he left his legions at home – they’d have drunk the bar dry by seven). Jezebeth said she’d come, but typically blew us out on the night. We had only one problem: for a really debauch party we needed some virgins. You just can’t get hold of them these days. Even the Other Place is finding it hard. But Vetis has been working on some contacts Upstairs and he bribed a few of them to get us some totty for the night (turns out they saw him coming…the birds weren’t exactly angels…as we found out later)
Off we went for an all-nighter at our favorite bar: Pandemonium. Wow, the place was rocking. Verin was already there and half sloshed, but at least he’d got the first round in for the rest of us.
Predictably Lilith wasn’t touching her food and seemed to be leaving most of her wine. I don’t know why she comes. The girl needs to get a life – anyone’s – or she’s going to get left out next time.
Talking about girls, wow those birds Vetis arranged were something else! They were too hot to handle even for us. Drank like Hydras. And kept demanding chips! We’re all used to stoking boilers, but these girls were insatiable! From some Devil-forsaken place called Grey Town apparently. Of course the mouthy one – Stacey – had to go and take a shine for me. Just my luck. Up for it?…I couldn’t stop her! Not sure I’ll be able to cope in 50 or so years time when she inevitably joins us permanently.  
By dawn Levi was well gone! When he’s had too much to drink his moral compass goes awry – he starts doing crazy things like helping old ladies across the road, giving money to tramps and breaking up fights. He always regrets it in the morning. But this time he excelled himself: when he got back to Hades, still pissed as a fart, he got all soppy and let out 500 souls! What a loon! It took Xaphan and Ukobach all the next day to round them up again. They moaned like demons, but hey… what are the minions for?
Oh well the fun’s over so I’d better get back to rubbing someone’s nose in the grindstone 😉

Keep the home fires burning!


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