Sex and the Chippy

A modern girl’s guide to life, love and romance in Grey Town

Fun in Acapulco

Originally published GTG June 2009

Two to tango

Stacey is back from her romantic oliday with Mr B in Mexico:

Bleedin ell what a dump! Don’t get me wrong like, but I’d rather av gone to Ibiza. The locals was really nice, but they kept singing and yelping all the time and the chip shops was rubbish!

Some things was nice. The hotel was real posh. It was so posh they ad an eat-all-you-like buffet! I liked that. And the tequila. And the lifeguards…. yea, I really liked them. Especially Juan.

The hot weather and the tequilas got me all worked up and I couldnt wait to jump on Mr B in the afternoons, but after a couple of days he got all grumpy and kept sneakin off to the bar to watch the football! He said I was instateable (sic) or something. Anyow I was getting a bit tired of him too. I always knew he was a big geezer, but I never realized he had cellulite on his fingers! And there was no room in the bed. It was only king size. He needs emperor size.

So don’t think I’m fickle or nothin but me mind wandered. Its only natural innit, specially when all the guys by the pool was so fit. Juan was bleedin gorgeous. Real slim and brown and shiny like Ronaldo and he had a nice gold necklace. And he was so romantic… he told me he was desperately in love with me! Imagine that after only half an hour? What passion! I played hard to get mind you – I made him buy me two drinks before I let him take me to me room. But when we got there we erd Mr B snoring. Juan was real cool – he said he knew somewhere nice we could go. Well I was hoping for better – I was on oliday after all – but he said the car park had a lovely view of the sea. Oh well, needs must…

Next morning I woke up in the back of his car. Its a pity it had no windows cos I felt like crap and I had a cold. A cold! Can you believe it? Its supposed to be hot and stuff, but everyone had a cold. They said we’d caught it from the bacon or something. Knew I should av stuck to chips. Anyhow then this bunch of geezers turned up dressed in space suits. I thought it was the cabaret but they said they was locking us in the hotel! Bleedin liberty!

Next month we’ll hear how Stacey got to play doctors and nurses…